White Blank Page
by TheHinkyPanda
Summary: It was the only solution to the boundary problem that he could find. His only hope was that the loss of himself would be enough of a price for his happily ever after. Rumbelle
1. Prologue

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**Prologue**

"_You can tell yourself that you would be willing to lose everything you have in order to get something you want. But it's a catch-22: all of those things you're willing to lose are what make you recognizable. Lose them, and you've lost yourself." __  
__― __Jodi Picoult__, __Handle With Care_

Hold.

It was a universal word that had many uses and meanings. You could hold on to someone. You could hold off doing something. You could "hold down the fort" or hold back your feelings. There were strongholds, strangleholds, footholds and households. You could hold hands, uphold ideals or withhold information.

It was one thing to do the holding. It was a completely different state of being held, particularly against your will.

Rumplestiltskin stepped up to the spray painted line on the road. Stepping over it meant he would lose his memories as Rumplestiltskin. He would forget Bae. He would forget his purpose, his reason for being in this world.

But he would also forgot three hundred years of being the Dark One. He would be able forget all his sins and crimes, every dark deed he had performed to get to this world. If he forgot who he really was, he would no longer be a threat to the town. They would leave him peace. He wouldn't need to worry about protection for himself or for Belle.

Belle.

He took a small step back from the line. She had been through so much already, him taking the coward's way out would only add to her troubles. He needed to stay in control for her, to protect her from Regina. One day, they could find Bae together, if the boundary ever came down completely.

The monster inside him railed at being kept behind bars once more. Dark, cloudy memories of being imprisoned curled around his mind. His sanity had slipped immensely during that time. The Dark One was powerful for a reason and to confine that power with no outlet was equivalent to having an energy overload that eventually robbed the person of any sane thought. He had barely held on to his rational thought long enough to get the savior's name from Snow White.

That couldn't happen again. He had unleashed magic into this world, it had settled into his fingertips once more and the boundary around the town may be a larger cage than the one Charming had used but it was a cage none the less. His sanity would slip once more. The town would suffer. Belle would suffer and he wouldn't have that, not anymore.

Going back to the car, he pulled out a small notebook and ripped a page out of it. He wasn't sure if it was going to be enough but it was the best idea he could come up with at the moment. He wrote two words onto the paper and tucked it in the breast pocket of his suit jacket. He kept his hand over it for a moment, pressing it against his heart, willing the words to sink through flesh and blood, to become engraved on his soul. He left the car and stepped back to the garish orange line.

Being held back from a singular purpose was the worst kind of imprisonment. All magic had a price and if the payment was himself, then so be it. He only hoped by letting go of who he was would be enough to break the grip of this curse. He hoped it was enough of a payment that he would still be able to find Bae.

There was something else that could be held: hope. And he clutched it close to him as he placed one foot over the line, followed by the other.


	2. Chapter 1: A New World

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**Chapter One: A New World**

Belle had no idea what to do.

The sun was quickly slipping past the horizon, twilight blurring the edges of sky and darkening the blue. The hallway clock had just chimed a total of six times. She had been sitting at the window since five chimes, waiting for Rumplestiltskin's arrival. He had promised to be home by four chimes. He hadn't called on the small device he left for her as a way to communicate if she needed something.

As the last of the daylight faded, she picked up the phone and dialed the numbers that he had given to her. But there were five rings before a stiff sounding voice asked her to leave a message after a beep. She ended the call instead, frustrated at how she didn't know anyone else to ask for help. There was an uneasiness in her spirit, something was wrong. She grabbed a coat from the rack in the hallway, pocketed the phone and stepped out of the house. She would go out into this strange town and find the help she needed.

Her memories of the trip from his store to his home were fuzzy at best but she knew which direction was the center of town and started off at a fast clip. The walk was slightly longer than she expected but soon she started to see movement along the dark and debris strewn streets. The first person that she could stop from their fast paced shuffle to get inside for the night was another young woman. The woman was about Belle's age, with long dark hair with streaks of what looked like red running through it. But she smiled when Belle touched her lightly on the arm and looked her in the eye.

"I'm looking for someone," Belle started. "He was supposed to be home by now but-"

"Okay," the woman nodded and looped her arm through Belle's. "There's a shelter that's set up by City Hall and people who are looking for each other can meet there."

Belle let her herself be lead towards the building and the gathering around it. "We've already met though. He left the house this morning and hasn't come back."

"Let's start with names. I'm Red."

"Belle."

"And the guy you're looking for?"

She pulled on her reserves of bravery. "Rumplestiltskin."

Red stopped dead, the smile fading from her face. "Rumplestiltskin? That's who you're looking for?"

Belle withdrew her arm from Red's grasp and straightened her shoulders. "Yes. That's who's I'm looking for. Are you still going to help me?"

Red looked flustered. "Of course, I am. I just thought out of everyone in town, he would be the last one to disappear." She pulled out a similar device that Belle had in her own pocket and dialed it with more efficiency than Belle had. It only took a couple rings before Red started to speak into it. "Charming, it's Red. I'm with a woman named Belle who's looking for Rumplestiltskin. Apparently he's gone missing."

There was a murmur of male voice but Belle couldn't tell what words were being said. Red nodded her head though.

"Alright. We'll meet you at Granny's then." She slipped the phone back into her pocket and the smile returned. "Are you hungry?"

Belle shook her head. "No, not really."

"Well, my Granny will feed you anyway, so be prepared for it."

Belle followed Red through the unfamiliar streets until they arrived at the diner. She had to admit, the smells and warmth that welcomed her gave her some slight comfort. As did the tall, fair haired man with a badge on his belt when he stepped forward with a wide grin. He must be the Charming Red had spoken to just a few minutes ago.

"So, you must be the flicker of light," he greeted.

"I'm sorry?"

"Rumplestiltskin and I had a conversation a life time ago and he referred to loving someone that was a flicker of light amidst an ocean of darkness. He said you were dead."

Belle nodded. "Yes, he did think that. Can you find him, please?"

His sense of seriousness took the shine off his smile. "Of course. I did try calling him but didn't get any answer." He turned to Red. "Can you help with this?"

"Sure can."

He turned back to Belle. "When was the last time you saw him?"

"This morning. He left to go to the pawnshop around nine. He said he would be back early, around four." She was twisting her hands together. "I waited until six."

"He didn't say anything about going anywhere? Run an errand?" Charming asked.

"No, nothing like that."

Charming's phone rang and after giving her an apologetic look, stepped away to answer it.

"We'll find him, don't worry," Red assured. "I'm quite good at finding things."

"We won't need you to," Charming interrupting them with a somber expression. "That was Jiminy. He was patrolling the boarder to make sure no one was leaving and found Rumplestiltskin. He was laying on the road, halfway across the boundary line. He took him to the emergency room. He's starting to wake up now and appears to be in good health."

Her relief was quickly replaced by concern. "Why was the boarder being patrolled?" Neither one of them seemed ready to answer her. "What happens when you cross the boarder?"

Charming was the one who finally answered her. "You lose all your memories of your life from the Enchanted Forest."

Rumplestiltskin had explained to her that everyone in town had a curse implanted life in their memories. If what Charming said was true, Rumplestiltskin would cease to exist and leave Mr. Gold in his place. He hadn't wanted to talk about the fake memories with her, not seeing the purpose in it. Now, she wished she had pressed him for those details. Did she even play a part in his life here in Storybrooke? There was only one way to find out.

"I would like to see him."

Charming inclined his head towards her. "Of course. I'll drive you."


	3. Chapter 2: A Shaky Foundation

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**Chapter Two: A Shaky Foundation**

She hated the hospital. The scent and sounds set her teeth on edge. The only place in Storybrooke that was familiar to her was her old prison. But Charming and Red flanked her as she walked the white halls and shied away from the nurses. They didn't ask her about her nervousness and she didn't speak about her imprisonment. The only thing that took her mind off her surroundings was the fear that Gold wouldn't remember her, or worse, what if he did?

This was a cursed place, no happy endings except for Regina's. Did the curse create a shadow version of herself? Was she kind to him or did they hate each other? Was she a housekeeper here too or had she been a wife who left him, both of them leaving emotional scars on each other? She wasn't sure she could take his rejection of her again. But before she could see him, a plan had to be decided upon and she was ushered into an empty room. It took a few minutes before the doctor, Dr. Whale, joined them.

Charming took the lead. "Well?"

The doctor shook his head. "He has no memory of being Rumplestiltskin. He's just Eli Gold now."

"What does he remember, exactly?" Belle asked.

"It's hard to say. He doesn't quite remember how he ended up on the road." Dr. Whale smiled at Belle. "I don't believe we've met before."

Charming interrupted. "She's Rumplestiltskin's true love, Belle."

"Oh well." He dropped his chart onto the desk. "There's no way to tell exactly what his memories are until they settle. But he's awake, vitals are strong and there's no head trauma at all. We can keep him overnight if it's easy on you or send him home."

Red spoke up next. "We can't send him home with Belle if he doesn't remember her."

"Or if he does," Belle continued, "we don't know what he'll remember about me."

"But we're not going to know what he remembers until you walk into that room." Charming crossed his arms. "We need a plan, a way out for you."

Belle shrugged. "I have no memories of this world. I can say I have amnesia. It wouldn't be a lie."

"Perhaps that's the best way." Charming agreed. "If he thinks you have amnesia, he could still teach you about this world. It would keep you together, if that's what you want."

Words suddenly failed her, so Belle just nodded her head. Together. That was all she had wanted for the last three decades.

Whale cleared his throat. "This all hinges on Gold's memories of Belle. If he doesn't remember her, he's not going to want her in his home."

"Let me talk to him," Charming offered.

All Belle could do was cross her arms across her chest and nod her head in agreement.

* * *

Charming tried to rifle through David Nolan's memories as he made his way to the curtained bay where Mr. Gold was resting. There wasn't much to go on since he spent the majority of his time in a coma and when he did wake up, his interactions with Gold were extremely limited. He was going to have to ask open ended questions and let Gold fill in the details. He only hoped Gold's mind wasn't quite as sharp as Rumplestiltskin's.

The last time he had seen the man had been earlier that day. Gold didn't look any different, just slightly dazed and pale. He was awake and didn't look to be in the best of temper. A part of him wondered if this was ploy, just another game of the Dark One to keep attention off him and his schemes. But there was no trace of recognition in Gold's eyes, just suspicion when he noticed the sheriff's badge.

"What happened to Sheriff Graham?"

"I'm afraid he died, a couple months ago."

Confusion replaced the suspicion. "Perhaps I've forgotten more than I thought."

If he only had access to Gold's memories, Charming couldn't use Gold's real name. "I'm David Nolan." He extended his hand. Hopefully getting off on a good foot this time around might make a big difference in case Rumplestiltskin ever came back.

Warily, Gold took the offered hand. "Eli Gold, in case you didn't know."

Charming took a seat next to the bed. "What's the last thing you remember?"

"I was at the bed and breakfast, collecting the rent." He paused briefly, clearly searching for something. "There was a guest but...I can't seem to remember anything past that."

Emma, it had to have been Emma who was there. That would explain why he wanted to know her name before the curse was cast. He probably had something woven into the thing that allowed him to remember his previous life when Emma arrived. It seemed to line up with the theory that once someone crossed the boundary line, they lost all their memories of their previous life.

Charming pulled out his cell phone and brought up the picture of Belle he had taken just a couple moments ago. "I know you're having some trouble with your memories right now, but I was wondering if you could help me out. Do you know this woman?"

Gold took the phone from him and stared at the screen for a long and quiet moment. Tears glossed over his eyes as he ran his thumb over the picture and Charming felt like an intruder upon this moment. But Gold soon schooled his features back to his normal, placid expression.

"I knew her, once."

Charming took the phone back and slipped it into his pocket. "What happened?"

"She died."

"I'm sorry. It seems like you cared for her."

He nodded slowly, a distant look in his eyes. "She was suppose to be my housekeeper, nothing more."

"It didn't stay that way?"

Gold shook his head once. "I was a foolish man. She wanted to see the world so I let her go. She died somewhere over in Europe. A car accident."

"What was her name?"

"Marie. Marie French. She was the florist daughter."

Charming leaned forward in the chair. "We found Marie, Mr. Gold. She survived the accident and came back to Storybrooke."

"That's not possible. I was at her funeral."

"The picture I just showed you was taken just five minutes ago. She's alive but she doesn't remember anything."

Gold folded his hands, tightly weaving his fingers together to hide the trembling in them. "For the best then. I'm sure her father will be pleased to know she's alive."

Belle wanted to be with him, even in this state. She had made that abundantly clear but this was her game now. Charming thanked Gold for his time and stood to leave. When he pulled the curtain back, Belle was standing right there. She had heard everything and gave him a slight nod and brief smile.

"Thank you," she whispered.

He returned her smile and replied, "What can I say? I'm a fan of true love."

She stepped around him and he watched from around the curtain as it only took a couple of minutes for Gold to open his arms and gather Belle into them. As much as the sight warmed him, there was a stab of unease underneath it all. A foundation built on lies always collapsed underneath the people standing on it.


	4. Chapter 3: Difficult Reunions

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**Chapter Three: Difficult Reunions**

He couldn't believe his eyes. He had watched the casket be buried, had laid flowers on the grave every year and yet, there she stood in front of him - Marie French. She was alive and whole. She was 23 now. Despite her death, he still kept track of her birth.

He shouldn't but he can't help himself, he had to feel her, make sure she was real. She didn't hesitate when he reached for her and suddenly she was back in his arms, her face pressed against his cheek and hot tears falling on his neck.

"You're alive," he whispered. It's the only thought in his muddled brain that he can properly verbalize. "You're real. You're alive."

She pulled back and ran her fingers over his face. "And you're alright?"

He nodded despite being confused. He wasn't the one who was supposed to be dead, gone and long buried. "Fine, dearie, fine."

Her eyes went wide at the endearment, she looked, oddly hopeful. He would have to put a stop to that. The past wouldn't repeat itself, he couldn't let it. He lost her once and it almost killed him. He couldn't take losing her again. With everything he had in him, he pushed her away.

"That's enough of that," he forced the words out of his mouth and averted his eyes. He couldn't see the hurt she was showing. They told him that she didn't remember anything. She would get over these superficial feelings towards him. She would move on, find someone her own age who wasn't a cripple, physically and emotionally. "Has someone contacted your father yet, Miss French?"

She was standing next to the bed, restlessly tugging at her skirt. "I, uh, I don't know yet. I thought that I used to work for you-"

"No, not anymore." He folded his hands in front of him, drawing on the business side of him. He could do this as long he didn't look at her. "I'm sure if you ask Sheriff Nolan, he will put you in contact with your father."

A breathy whimper came from her direction. "But, I want to come back-"

"Run along, dear. Go home. I'm sure your father could use your help in the flower shop. Maybe even pay his debts on time with some extra help now."

"Mr. Gold-"

"Honestly, Miss French," he settled back against the pillows and closed his eyes, "I'm an old man who needs his rest. I'm relieved you're not dead as everyone was told, but that is all. Do not mistake my relief for anything more than that."

There was a faint noise of distress that was shortly followed by retreating footsteps. He tried to assure himself that this was for the best but the pain he felt in his chest told him it was the worst mistake he could make. He kept his eyes closed and tried to fake sleep but after half an hour, someone else came into the curtained off area and sat down heavily in the chair next to the bed.

"I know you're not sleeping, Mr. Gold."

"Then perhaps you should use those wonderful detective skills of yours, Sheriff Nolan, and realize I don't feel much for talking at the moment."

"Why did you send her away?"

"It's what's best."

"For who?"

Gold finally opened his eyes and regarded the young man sitting next to the bed. "You're too young to even understand the complexity of a matter such as this."

The Sheriff actually smiled. "You love her, she loves you. It doesn't seem all that complex."

No, it wouldn't be for someone like him. Young, handsome and with his entire life ahead of him. No doubt he had someone he loved and who loved him. Things like middle age, a trick knee and cowardice were things this man couldn't grasp. He ran the risk of making Marie a pariah in this small town. Whoever Nolan chose to bestow his affections on would be hailed a queen.

"Let's just say, it's better for her to start over fresh than make the same mistake twice. Now, if you don't mind, Sheriff Nolan, I would like to get some rest."

The smile was gone as he rose from the chair. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a business card, placing it on the food tray. "Sheriff Graham's name is still on these but the number is the same. Call if you need anything."

Gold nodded and Nolan finally left. Weariness had settled into his bones and he had never felt this old and broken. He didn't have much time to wallow in his self pity as Dr. Whale came back.

"How are you feeling, Mr. Gold?"

"Fine." Lies were always so much simpler.

The doctor checked his chart. "Well, you're free to go unless you would like to remain under observation."

Home. Home just walked out the hospital as far as he was concerned. He managed the grief and loss before, he could do it again. He pulled the blanket back and swung his legs over the side of the bed.

"My clothes?"

Whale nodded. "I'll get them from the nurse."

* * *

"Belle!"

She didn't know how long she had been curled up in the hospital chair, too heartbroken to even try to stop the tears. Why would he do this? Why would he do something like this now? Decades of being apart, forcibly kept from each other only to have a handful of awkward, happy moments before this? Another separation only this was the worst kind, they would still see each other around town and she would have to see her happy ending alone and as miserable as she was.

"Belle!"

Someone was shaking her, trying to unfold her from the fetal position. She couldn't make out the details of their face but their voice, dear gods above, their voice she did recognize.

"Papa."

She found herself sobbing into his shoulder, the scents from her childhood flooding her senses.

"Oh, my girl. I found you."

It took her a few moments for her mind to comprehend the words that her father was saying. Things like "you're safe now" and "I'll protect you." It was the "you'll never have to see him again" that cause her to untangle herself from him.

"What did you say?"

Her father gripped her shoulders, his eyes wet with tears. "You're safe, Belle. You don't have to even see him again. I'll speak to the Sheriff myself."

"Who am I safe from, exactly? Rumplestiltskin?"

"Of course."

She felt her chest constrict tightly. "I'm afraid no one has to fear Rumplestiltskin any more. He crossed the town border today. He only remembers himself as Mr. Gold now."

"Oh, good," he pulled her into a tight hug. "That's good."

She struggled out of his embrace and stumbled back a few steps from him. "No, it's not good. He doesn't remember that we love each other."

"Love? What do you mean love?"

What should have brought a smile to her face, joy in her heart, now only made her miserable. "When he took me his castle, while I was there, we got to know each other. We fell in love."

The joy that had been in her father's eyes faded. "He has you under a spell then."

"No, he doesn't. He never did."

"Belle, listen to me. He had you locked up for years-"

She shook her head. "No, Regina had me locked up for years. Rumplestiltskin let me go."

"Why? Why would he let you go?"

Finally, she was able to find a smile. "Because he loved me."

He started to open his mouth when the tap of cane silenced them both. By the time Belle turned around, Gold already had his back to her and was leaving through the front doors. He had loved her, she was certain of it, and it was quite possible that he could love her as just Mr. Gold too. Gathering up her things, she rushed after him.

"Belle! Stop!" Her father shouted. "I won't let you do this!"

That stopped her in her tracks and she whirled on her father. "Won't let me do this? Who are you to tell me what I can and can not do! I lived enough of my life in a prison and I'm damned if I'm going to let anyone put me back into another. Either you're going to help me get my true love back or I'm going to do it myself."

Her father looked helpless, pale and tired under the hospital lights. "I'm sorry, but I let go with him once. I couldn't bear to see you go with him again."

Belle gave him the best steeled look she could muster, before turning away and letting the tears fall. She made it outside just as a cab pulled away from the front of the hospital, taking Gold with it. Her true love had rejected her because he didn't know that was who she was. Her father didn't trust her judgement and refused to help her retake her happiness. And now she had no place to go.

"Hey, Belle."

Blinking through her tears, she saw Red standing next to her. "Hey."

"Didn't go so well, huh?"

Belle shook her head.

"Do you have a place to stay?"

She shook her head again.

Red put her arm around Belle's shoulders and started to walk towards the center of town. "You have one now."


	5. Chapter 4: Role Reversal

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**Chapter Four: Role Reversal**

It was a Saturday and for the first time he could remember, Gold didn't open the shop. Of course, with a large section of his memories nothing more than a fog, perhaps he had closed the shop before on a Saturday. Whatever happened to him yesterday left him feeling unsettled, restless and oddly on edge. He dressed in his regular attire, leaving off a tie and coat. It was an armor of sorts but it still didn't give him the sense of protection that he was missing. Making deals with a distracted mind always ended badly.

Instead, he spent the morning hours wandering through every room of the house, taking a mental inventory of everything there. Memories came easy to him in certain rooms and not so much in others. His bedroom was a sanctuary, dark and muted colors with an air of familiarity. The majority of the other rooms were merely storage areas. Memories of acquiring certain paintings or a set of fine china from an estate sale, customers and clients both he could recall vividly.

But those weren't the memories he lingered on and indulged himself in remembering. He made his way to the east side of the house. There was a bedroom there, closed up and kept in pristine condition. He hesitated at the closed door for a moment, he hadn't opened the room since after her funeral. Taking a deep breath, he pushed the door open and took a deep breath. It still smelled like her, vanilla and lavender.

Marie was alive. She was walking through Storybrooke once more and she could never darken his door again. He stood on a throbbing knee in the guest room that she had inhabited during her short stint as his housekeeper. It was the only bedroom that had a window seat and built in bookshelves. He had desperately wanted to give her everything she wanted so she didn't have a reason to leave. But leave she did, at his insistence. Because everything he managed to touch either broke or became lost and he just couldn't bear see Marie suffer at his hands. Just as he closed his eyes, allowing those bittersweet memories of wash over him, the doorbell rang.

Pulling himself out of the room, he made his way down the stairs and tried to brush away the lingering feelings that clung to him like cobwebs. He shouldn't be able to recall Marie's smile so easily or still be able to feel her soft skin under his itching finger tips. He used to be better at keeping those memories locked behind in that room. But when he opened the front door, his visitor was the equivalent to a cold bucket of water.

"Ah, Madame Mayor," he greeted. "To what do I owe this house call?"

He watched as she smiled, sharp and unsure. She stepped across his threshold, her fingers twitching and her heels clacking on the floorboards. "I just wanted to check on you, Mr. Gold, after I heard about your little...incident yesterday."

"I can assure you, Mayor Mills, I am the same person as I was yesterday."

She narrowed her eyes. "Are you?"

They had squared off many times over the years. It happened when one person owned the majority of the town while the other managed it. He had always made it a point to remind the cold hearted, iron fisted woman in front of him, that she only played with the pieces he allowed her. He could show no weakness, especially not when he felt so vulnerable.

"Your concern is very touching," he tossed an equally sharp smile to her, "but I'm afraid I do have some business to attend to today."

"And what kind of business is that?"

"None of yours, I'm afraid."

Her cheek twitched. Whatever it was she was looking for, she wasn't finding it, which was for the best.

Gold motioned to the still open door. "Good day, dear."

Her painted smile had turned into a grimace with a touch of something he couldn't quite place. Was it sadness? Disappointment, perhaps? Either way, it didn't matter to him as she started for the open door and came to an immediate stop. Looking around the door, he saw what had brought the Mayor up short.

Marie French was standing on the porch, a suitcase in hand and a hard look set on her face.

* * *

Red and her Grandmother were very kind to Belle when she arrived that night to the bed and breakfast. They hadn't been keen on her plan to get her job back as Gold's housekeeper but they had helped her anyway. Red had taken her shopping for some essentials and had given her a beat up suitcase to put everything in. As soon as she had everything packed, Red dropped her off at the sprawling pink mansion.

As she worked out how she would convince him to take her back under his roof, she was surprised to see the front door already open. When she reached the top step of the porch, Regina appeared in the doorway. Belle tightened her grip on the suitcase handle, ready to use it as a weapon if necessary. She would not let this woman keep them apart any longer and if it ended with her clocking the former queen with a borrowed suitcase, so be it.

"Miss French," Regina smiled. "How nice to see you."

Belle held her ground, shoulders back and head high. "Regina."

Regina turned to Mr. Gold, who was holding the door open. "Aren't you going to invite your guest inside?"

"I'm not here as a guest," Belle stated. "I'm here to take back my job as Mr. Gold's housekeeper."

Gold leaned on the side of the door. "Miss French, we had this discussion last night-"

"And I wasn't finished," Belle cut him off before turning to Regina. "If you don't mind, Madame Mayor, but I need to speak to Mr. Gold."

She turned back to Gold, who had a smile smile on his face. "Do come in then, Miss French. Mayor Mills was on her way out anyway."

Regina scowled as she marched out of the house and down the stairs, but not without a glare cast in Belle's direction. Belle held her stance, not backing down at all. Let the ousted queen come after them now. Belle had told her once that she would never stop fighting for Rumplestiltskin and she meant it.

Once Regina was back in her car, Belle turned back to Mr. Gold, who was in the process of closing the door. She jumped forward, shoving the suitcase between the door jam and the door itself. "Please, Mr. Gold. Just hear me out."

The door swung open again. "As much as I appreciate your timely arrival running the Mayor off, I told you last night, go home to your father."

"I can't."

He tried to give the air that he really didn't care but she saw a flash of concern in his eyes. "And why ever not? His thought-dead daughter returns home and you'll have me believe he turns you out?"

It still stung that her father didn't want to see her happy. "That's precisely what happened."

Gold stepped aside finally and Belle jumped at the opening before he reconsidered. She set the suitcase down at the foot of the stairs and turned to face him. "Thank you."

"Don't thank me yet, dear. I just let you inside, that's all."

She followed him into the kitchen where he turned the burner on under the kettle. Without thinking, she went to the cupboard and pulled out a tin of tea and two cups. Gold gave her a curious look.

"Some things you don't forget."

His shoulder slumped as his entire facade fell to pieces. "You can't be here."

Belle stepped toward him, reaching for his arm. "But I am here. I'm not dead."

"No, that's not what I meant," he shook his head and moved away from her. "You can't come back here. I won't let you do that to yourself. I'll call your father myself."

"That's not what I want. I want to be here, with you." She bit her lip, wondering if she could blur the lines of reality and his fake memories enough to get her point across. "I never should have left you."

"Marie..."

The use of the name momentarily startled her and then disheartened her for a moment. She would never hear her real name from him again. If he never got his memories back, she would forever be Marie French and he would only be Eli Gold. But she would rather be with him, even like this, than not be with him at all.

"Do you want to know why I can't stay with my father?"

He looked completely broken, staring down at the floor. "Marie, you can't."

"I love you."

He recoiled as if she had physically hit him. "No, you don't."

She grabbed a hold of shoulders and shook him slightly. "Stop telling me what I feel and what I can and can't do. I love you. I want to be here with you. Please, believe me."

He tried to shrug her off, move around her but she grabbed his face and pressed her lips against his. A small part of her hoped that true loves kiss might undo what he had done but when she pulled away, he was still conflicted. He was still Eli Gold.

The kettle started to whistle and Belle reached behind her to turn off the burner. There was nothing left for her to try now. She had begged him to let her come back to work for him, told him she needed a place to stay, declared her love and even kissed him to prove her earnestness. She was out of moves and was fighting back the tears of being parted from her love once more. Just when she ready to give up and leave, Gold slipped his arms around and drew her close. His eyes search her face briefly before he tentatively returned her kiss.

The relief was strong that Belle couldn't stop the sob that came out of her mouth. She clung to his shoulders, pressing herself against him and never wanting to let go. His kisses grew more insistent, his grip tighter and when she broke away to look at him, she could see he was crying as well.

"You'll be an outcast," he whispered against her cheek.

"I don't care."

He clutched her tighter against him. "The mayor, she won't-"

"I'm not afraid of her." Let Regina come after them this time, Belle would be ready for her.

Gold's head fell against her shoulder, his tears soaking through her shirt. "You're alive...I can't believe you're alive."

Belle held him close and wept too, though for a different reason. She was alive, as was he but her Rumplestiltskin was gone forever. But she could love and protect the broken man that was left in his place.


	6. Chapter 5: Home Again

**White Blank Page**

**Chapter Five: Home Again**

He felt like a foolish, old man. He couldn't even keep Marie away for an entire day. All of his plans and strength of not acknowledging her existence abandoned him as soon as she showed up on his doorstep. But Gold didn't care. She loved him, she had come back. She loved him, he still couldn't quite fathom that. The town's sweetheart had chosen the town monster to lay her affections on. It was nothing short of a miracle.

He managed to stem his tears and pressed kisses against her neck, her cheeks and finally her lips, whispering his love against her skin. They finally managed to get the tea made and settled at the kitchen table. His mind was still stuck on the fact that she was alive and here with him, never mind she was going to stay from now on, forever if he could get her to agree to it.

"Where did you stay last night?" he asked, figuring he better talk about something instead of just staring at her.

"I stayed at Granny's, with her granddaughter Ruby."

"Good." He would forgive a month's rent as his thanks to the Lucas women for their kindness. If he thought he would ever see it, he would raise Moe French's rent to make up for it. But Marie wouldn't approve of that and he was determined to keep her as happy as possible.

"So," Marie straightened in her chair. "Are my responsibilities the same as before? Cleaning, cooking-"

"No, sweetheart," he snatched up her hand. "No responsibilities this time."

"So I'm just suppose to sit around all day and read then?"

"Yes."

She laughed lightly. "I have to have something to do. I can't just live here for free."

"Why not? Keeping an old man company is price enough, I should think."

"You're not old."

"Older than you."

Marie shrugged. "As are a lot of people."

He sat back in his chair but didn't release her hand. "Do you still love books?"

She nodded eagerly.

"I'll make some inquiries around town for you. How's that?"

"Good. Until then, I'll unofficially keep house."

He raised her hand and brushed his lips across her knuckles. "Deal."

Marie's smile faded. "I don't quite remember why I stopped working for you before."

He figured she would ask that question but had hoped she would let it be. She always was curious about things best left alone, him included. "You went to Europe, love, to study abroad."

"Why?"

"It was a unique opportunity."

"Eli."

He stared down at their entwined hands, her slender fingers in between his long, boney ones. "Regina caught us, kissing in the back of my shop one night. She threatened to expose us, me in particular."

"Just kissing?"

"Of course."

Marie frowned. "I don't understand why that would have been a problem."

"You were still seventeen at the time, two days until your eighteenth birthday. Even though the law wasn't broken, she could have made a very convincing case against me. She and DA Spencer would have liked nothing better than to see me behind bars and everything I owned in the Mayor's hands. But the thought of being separated from you was terrible."

"But you sent me away anyway."

He hung his head. "Yes. It went against every fiber of my being, but yes, I did. I thought after your trip you would come back to Storybrooke different, mature. You would either move on from me or return, either way I was looking forward to just seeing your face again. Instead, your father brought back a casket a month after you left." He blamed himself for her death for every day after.

"Well," Marie tugged on his hand. "I am here now and not seventeen anymore. Regina can't hurt us."

"She will try." He had to give her fair warning of the Mayor's vindictiveness. "She has never wanted to see me happy."

Marie smiled brightly, brimming with confidence. "That's just too bad for her."

"Just be careful," he warned. "I don't want to lose you again."

"You're not. I'm here to stay this time."

As much as he wanted to believe her, there was a small shadow doubt. It almost finished him a few years ago, he was certain he wouldn't survive if she left again.

* * *

Belle was so relieved that Gold had accepted her back into his home with minimal fuss. She had prepared for a long, drawn out fight but Eli Gold was different from Rumplestiltskin. Gold was much more broken than Rumplestiltskin ever let himself show. There was still the loneliness and sadness that she had come to see in the Dark Castle but the scales and spikes were not as sharp here.

She took possession of what Gold referred to her as her old room, a light bathed corner room with shelves of books. He had left for the afternoon, making his "inquiries" as he called them, and allowed her to get re-acclimated to his home. As soon as she heard the front door shut, she watched for the black Cadillac to pull out of the driveway before walking down the hallway to the other side of the house.

Opening the door to Gold's bedroom, Belle took a shaky breath. She had woken up in here just yesterday morning. The sheets on the bed were still the same from when she had slept there. She quickly set about going through the room and removing her items that may have been left from yesterday. The book she could leave, he could be convinced he was reading_ Jane Eyre_. She found her nightgown under the bed, her hospital clothes were shoved in the back of the closet and she retrieved those as well.

On her way out of the room, she knocked over his suit coat that he had laid on the back of a chair. Picking it up and giving it a shake, a piece of paper fluttered to the floor. Hanging the coat up in his closet, she went back and picked up the paper from the carpet. A part of her knew it was snooping to open the folded scrap and read what was on it but she did it anyway. There were only two words written in Rumplestiltskin's sharp edged script.

_Find Baelfire. _

Belle kept re-reading the words, trying to understand what he was trying to find. Was Baelfire a thing or a person? If it was a thing, was magical? It sounded like it could be. Not quite sure what to do with it, she put it back into the suit coat pocket and left the room. Back in her own bedroom, she put her nightgown in a dresser and shoved the hospital clothes in the back of her own closet. She wasn't sure how long he would be gone and the only other place in the house where she might be able to find out what a Baelfire was, Belle headed up to the third floor to his office.

She had never been up there before but he had told her it would be best for her to stay out of there just as she was to stay out of his tower at the Dark Castle. But he wasn't Rumplestiltskin anymore and she was afraid she might know more about anything magic he may have hoarded than he did right now.

The office was the entire third floor, filled more with antiques than anything that looked remotely magically. However, with her experience, things that were magical very rarely looked so. Carefully, she made a pass around the room, looking for anything that would help with figuring out what it was Rumplestiltskin could have been looking for. There was a black trunk near the desk so she started there. There was a mix of clothes inside, some of his and some, she could only assume, were for her. There wasn't enough clothing for them to be moving permanently so it must have been packed with a travel destination in mind.

Going to his desk next, she riffled through the papers she found there. Maps of New York, Manhattan in a particular, were scattered about. At the bottom of the pile was what looked to be a charcoal drawing of a boy in a hooded cloak with a list of names paper clipped to it. Belle looked back at the trunk, the maps, and the picture with the names on it. A conversation from around a spinning wheel came back to her.

"_Tell me about your son." _

"_I, uh, lost him. There's nothing more to tell, really." _

Belle gazed down at the drawing in her hands. He was looking for his son and judging from the list of names, may have found the boy in Manhattan. Baelfire, his son. It was the only thing that made sense, the only reason why he would write that down and then step over the line. Quickly, she jotted down the names on the list and left everything undisturbed in the office, making her way back downstairs to start dinner.

It was obvious he didn't remember the search for his son or else they would be on the their way to this Manhattan place, so now it was up to her to find him. Baelfire may be the only one capable of bringing back her Rumplestiltskin.


	7. Chapter 6: Baelfire

**White Blank Page**

**Chapter Six: Baelfire**

Gold hated having to track down Regina that afternoon, but he did it for Marie's sake. Regina was the one that held the key to the town's boarded up library. He was determined to do everything he could to make Marie happy this time around and if walking into the lion's den would grant him the perfect gift, so be it. For all her flash and nastiness from earlier, Regina was rather disinterested and slightly annoyed at his presence.

"Didn't we already see each other this morning, Mr. Gold? When you promptly kicked me out when your," her mouth twisted, "housekeeper showed up? Or is your short term memory going after your little incident the other day?"

"You would think the mayor of this town would be a little nicer when one of the most influential men comes calling to talk business."

"What kind of business?"

"The library. Who owns it?"

A small smile crept across her face. "You know very well who owns it. Interested in purchasing it for your little bell?"

It was an odd pet name for someone. "Her name is Marie and no, I'm interested in purchasing for me."

Whatever game she was playing, she decided it was over. "$125,000 for the building and everything in it."

"The windows are boarded up and there's going to be a lot of repair work involved. The building's worth $65,000, at most."

"$100,000, even."

Regina was bored now, wanting him gone but still wanting him to pay. He could wait her out though. "No. $75,000, final offer."

She opened one of her drawers and pulled out the key, tossing it to him. "Fine."

He pocketed the key and flashed her a smile. "Pleasure as always, Madame Mayor."

As he left her office, he couldn't help but the notice a sad bend to her frown. It wasn't about the library, it had something to do with him, possibly Marie. He remembered the gleam in her eye when she produced those photos of him and Marie from the shop. She wanted to destroy him, gleeful that she had her ammo. Now, she seemed just sad. He couldn't let it bother him though, whatever the Mayor was going through was her issue, not his.

He still had to go assess the library and the condition of the building. That would then determine who he would have to hire to get the place back into working order. But that could wait until tomorrow. For the first time in years, he had someone waiting for him at home and he was anxious to get back. Part of him was afraid that once he arrived, she would be gone already, it would just have been a hallucination or a false memory. He could give her the key over tea tomorrow, when he had a time frame to actually give her, but for now, he wanted to reassure himself that Marie was still there.

When he walked through the door, he could smell food, something Italian. When he went back to the kitchen, Marie was bent over a pot of boiling water, the steam curling the tendrils of hair around her face. She was beautiful, perfection really and she was still here. Before he could stop himself, he had his arms around her waist, startling her slightly as he pulled her back against him.

"Back already?"

"Yes." He kissed the side of her neck, breathing the scent that was only Marie and slightly burnt spaghetti sauce. Reaching around her, he turned the burner off under the sauce and smiled against her skin. For the first time since he could remember, he felt like he was home.

* * *

Belle had stayed up all night with the laptop that Rumplestiltskin had given her in an attempt to let her learn about the world at her own pace. Google had turned into her best friend and she used it to punch in each of the names that were on the list. She tried to compare the faces of these boys with the drawing that she had found in the office but none of them looked quite right. Until she typed in the last one and a missing person poster popped up.

Benjamin Spinner was an almost sad looking boy, with thick dark hair and a resolute stare. Something told her, this was it, this boy was Baelfire. She read through the specifics on the poster. The missing person's poster was more of an effort to search for family that may be looking for the boy, not the other way around. As of last month, Benjamin was in a foster home in New York state. She had the phone number but she needed someone who had more knowledge of this world to tell her how to handle this situation.

When seven o'clock rolled around, she called the number Red had given her. Belle was so relieved when she picked up. After giving the condensed version of what was going on, Red told her to come down to the diner around ten that morning and they would be able to figure something out. She made it through breakfast without giving anything away since Gold was headed out on more of his inquiries. Her curiosity was growing but she had to remain focused.

She went to Granny's diner a few minutes earlier and was surprised at the crowd that had gathered. So many faces she didn't recognize were staring back at her. The only ones that were familiar were Dreamy and Charming. Red came up to her side as soon as she was through the door.

"When I called David to let him know you needed some help, well, some other people showed up too."

Belle felt a little overwhelmed at so many eyes on her but managed to nod her head. "Alright then."

A petite woman dressed in some kind of uniform that reminded Belle of the nurse in the hospital came up to her first. "We really need to know, in light of Rumplestiltskin stepping over the town line, does he still have access to his magic?"

"And you are?"

"Mother Superior here. Back in our world I was the Blue Fairy."

"Ah." She had heard Rumplestiltskin curse the faeries on more than one occasion. "I don't really know if he still has magic or not. I haven't seen him use it."

"Has anything happened around him that could be magical?" she pressed.

"No."

She nodded and turned to David. "It's as I thought. Magic may be here but if he doesn't know he access it, we shouldn't have anything to worry about."

"So why even find his kid and bring him here," Dreamy, now going by Leroy, said. "If his son shows up in Storybrooke, it might bring back Rumplestiltskin's real memories."

"And why is that a bad thing?" Belle countered.

"Are you kidding me?" Leroy replied. "Look, sister, in case you didn't know, Rumplestiltskin is not a nice person. I think we can all agree that Mr. Gold, we can deal with but it's kind of nice not having Rumplestiltskin looming over our heads."

Tears pricked at the back of her eyes. "Well, it's nice to know you all came to help." And she turned on her heel and started to leave but Granny was blocking her way.

"Leroy doesn't speak for all of us."

Belle turned back to David, the only person she had any hope of helping her. "Is that true?"

He swallowed hard. "I don't care who it is, no father deserves to be separated from his child." He then turned to the rest of the people gathered in the diner. "With that being said, if you're not here to help, you need to move along."

Belle went to one of the booths in the diner and slid over to the window. She didn't want to see the mass exodus that was leaving the establishment. But she was soon joined by David, Red and a soft spoken man that was introduced as Dr. Archie Hopper. David took the lead.

"Red said that you found Rumplestiltskin's son?"

"I think I have. I saw the picture of this boy, Benjamin Spinner and he looks exactly like a charcoal drawing that I found in Rumplestiltskin's things. I have the number of the foster home but I don't know how this all works or what I'm suppose to say."

Dr. Hopper spoke up. "If he's in the foster care system, that's going to be easier. If he had been adopted, that's where it gets difficult. We need to come up with a story that is going to let the foster system release him to you or Mr. Gold."

"As far as I know, Mr. Gold doesn't even know he has a son," Belle said.

"We can say he's your brother," Red offered.

Archie nodded. "We could. But we need to contact him first, tell him the story of what's going on and make sure his story matches up with ours. If he is Rumplestiltskin's son and he wants to be reunited with his father, then he'll work with us. That's the most important thing, we can only do what Rumplestiltskin's son will let us do."

Belle nodded. "Agreed."

Archie motioned to David. "You're the law enforcement of this town, so you need to make to call. Just tell them that you're doing an investigation for a missing person and think that Benjamin Spinner might be the person you're looking for and that you would like to speak with him."

Belle handed the phone number over to David and held her breath as he dialed the number and turned the phone onto speaker. One the third ring, a woman answered who could be barely heard over the loud din of children in the background.

"Parker residence."

David cleared his throat and identified himself. He said exactly what Archie had told him to say and without any hesitation, Mrs. Parker was soon putting Benjamin on the line.

"Hello?"

Belle covered her mouth with her hand. He sounded so young.

"Benjamin, is there a place you can go where no one will hear our conversation?" David asked.

"Sure, hang on."

They heard him moving through the house and a door shut, cutting out the background noise. "Okay."

David looked over at Belle. "Benjamin, what is your real name?"

The line was quiet for so long and Belle could barely breathe while she waited. Finally, he spoke again.

"Baelfire. Is...is this my Papa?"

"No, it's not," David answered, "but I know him. We have a lot of explaining to do but if you want to see him again, want to live with him, we can arrange it. It's going to take some doing though. Would you be willing to work with us to get you here or are you happy where you are?"

"I want to come there," he answered without any hesitation. "I want to see my Papa. I'll do whatever I have to to get there."

Belle sat back in the booth, wiping tears from her eyes as David and Archie went through the plan of having him pass himself off as her younger brother and the story behind their separation. She was overjoyed but there was such a sad undertone to it all. Rumplestiltskin finally had his true love and now his son returning to him and he wouldn't know it. All they could do, she and Baelfire together, was just love him through his ignorance.


End file.
